RumorMill Software
PO Box 2323
West Covina, CA 96336
August 24, 1999
Ms. Ann Dromeda
206 Lagrima SW
Albuquerque, NM 87102
Dear Ms. Dromeda:
Recent trends are disturbing. It seems no one’s private life is sacred any more. In our topsy turvy world, private means public. Bad means good. Radical is considered good form and God only knows what Def means. On top of that, it seems that no one’s private life is all that it should be.
That’s where we come in. We provide you with the capability to use the same strategic deterrent that kept the world’s nuclear powers from going to war for more than 40 years. Mutually Assured Destruction.
When people know that you have RumorMill Software, you don’t have to worry about your secrets getting out. People won’t even want to KNOW your secrets for fear that you will use RumorMill for a pre-emptive strike at the very heart of their reputations.
RumorMill is simple to use on either Macs or PCs. Our intuitive architecture and fully-relational database can instantly meld gossip, innuendo and heresay to create a seamless and completely plausible scenario. They say, “The Devil is in the details.” We agree. Our DevilData system plugs in a wealth of finely detailed items taken from actual court records in hundreds of thousands of bizarre cases over the past three decades that will take even the most capable people months to refute.
Our attorneys advise discretion in publishing any material that you create. No return addresses, for example. Pay for flyers with cash. The usual. They also point out that there is a current backlog of 18 million traffic cases alone waiting for court time. Judicial gridlock is a strong ally.
But, as you know, a strong deterrent does not have to be used. That’s its purpose. We provide yard signage, vehicle window decals and other items that clearly identify you as a proud owner of RumorMill Software. That alone will serve you well. Send today for your complete $239 package and we’ll put your name on our Website as a charter owner.
Sincerely,
Calston B. Menningitis
Senior VP – Sales
Letter Rip 