TransInterCon
The Warm and Fuzzy Phone Company
534 West Harmony
Nyack, Florida 28232
September 2, 1999
Ann Outrage
206 Lagrima SW
Albuquerque, NM 87102
Dear Friend:
Our telemarketing department works very hard to bring people news about our service. News that can improve their lives. Yet, for some reason, we have been unable to discuss our service with you in detail. My records indicate that of the seventeen calls we have carefully placed to your residence – at times when we were certain you would be there (we call them the Magic Sixes – 6 am and 6 pm) we have an unbroken record of failure. The call records indicate four code ones (Polite Refusal), six code twos (Customer Not Interested – Curt), three code threes (Customer Not Interested – Hostile) and the remainder code fours (Non-Conversational Hang Up).
This letter is intended to get to the bottom of that. How can we help you if you won’t talk to us?
Here is what we can do: I’ll spell the offer out here and when we call again, you can signal acceptance simply by hanging up. What could be simpler? That will get us working together and act as a means to raise the spirits of our telephone people who take failure to communicate very personally.
Our offer:
Simply switch your long distance service to us. We provide service just like everyone else, but with every long distance call you make, we send you a free warm and fuzzy sweater. That’s right. Through a strategic alliance with one of Malaysia’s leading knitting factories, we are able to make this unprecedented and permanent offer. The rates are fantastic, too! Just a $7 connect fee brings you flawless sound and all for only 18 cents per minute off peak non-modem, region six, tone dialed connections. Other times and regions vary.
Thanks for your patience and consideration. It will be our pleasure doing business with you. We’ll call soon, but we will not use the Magic Sixes as they seem to be counter productive in your case.
Sincerely,
Walmert Bagdon
Senior Marketing Representative
Letter Rip 